Grammar Rules for the Unenlightened
(Or: How to write goooooooodddd...)
Do not use no double negatives.
Don't never use no triple negatives.
No sentence fragments.
Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
All generalisations are bad.
Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.
A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling and you really wish they would hurry up and get to the point, but no, they just keep going and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever... if you get my drift...
You should never use the second person.
The passive voice should never be used.
Excessive use of exclamation marks can be disastrous!!!
Remember to end each sentence with a full-stop
Do not use commas, which aren't necessary.
Do not use question marks inappropriately?
Don't be terse.
Do not obfuscate your writing with extraneous verbiage.
Avoid those despicably horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
______________________________________________________
Can anyone tell me why this piece is funny? Try explaining by either leaving a comment on this post or on the tagboard, and use examples to explain. :)
Comment away..............
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
The English Language - oh so good!
Hi!
Ahh.. last day of school yesterday.. am missing all my classes already. Just wondering, is anyone from 2/5, besides Stacy, reading this? Comment if you are! :)
Thought I'll post up some interesting and funny stuff about the English Language... Enjoy!
1. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
2. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
3. When the stars are out, they are visible, When the lights are out, they are invisible.
4. If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
5. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
6. C'mon, let's polish the Polish furniture.
7. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
8. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
9. How can 'A Slim Chance' and 'A Fat Chance' be the same?
10. How can 'You're so cool' and 'You're not so hot' be different?
11. Why are 'A Wise man' and 'A Wise guy' opposites?
12. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
13. The bandage was wound around the wound.
14. I did not object to the object.
15. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
16. Boxing rings are square.
17. A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
18. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
19. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
20. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
21. The farm was used to produce produce.
22. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
23. If brother becomes Brethren, why doesn't mother become Methren?
24. If tooth becomes teeth, why doesn't booth become beeth?
25. If one goose becomes two geese, why doesn't one moose becomae two meese?
26. If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
27. How come Writers write but Fingers don't fing? And Grocers don't groce and Hammers don't ham?
28. A hat in the plural doesn't become hose. And a cat in the plural doesn't become cose.
29. A box in the plural becomes is boxes. But an Ox in the plural never becomes oxes. (It becomes Oxen).
30. A lone mouse can transform into a whole set of mice, But it's impossible for a single house to become a whole block of hice. (It becomes houses).
31. Although the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, we must be grateful for small mercies of the language that the feminine pronouns after 'She' don't become 'Shis' and 'Shim'.
32. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
33. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
34. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
35. He could lead if he could only get the lead out.
36. They were too close to the door to close it.
37. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
38. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
39. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
40. It is only in the English language that people recite at a play and play at a recital.
41. No sooner had my eye fallen upon the tear in the painting, then this eye of mine began to shed many a tear.
42. I was given a number of injections to make the pain number.
43. It's not ridiculous, but entirely sensible to ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
44. We are a strange lot to have noses that run and feet that smell.
45. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
46. I was proven right that I had the right of way.
47. How come you never hear of a combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable person?
48. Why is it that whether you sit down or sit up, the results are the same?
49. Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllable"?
50. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
51. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?
52. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
53. The human race has been running for a great many centuries now - but we're not tired yet.
54. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
55. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
I am particularly tickled by numbers 3, 4, 9, 17, 19, 25, 39, 44 and 49. Tell me which ones you fancy! :)
Comment away.............
Ahh.. last day of school yesterday.. am missing all my classes already. Just wondering, is anyone from 2/5, besides Stacy, reading this? Comment if you are! :)
Thought I'll post up some interesting and funny stuff about the English Language... Enjoy!
1. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
2. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
3. When the stars are out, they are visible, When the lights are out, they are invisible.
4. If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
5. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
6. C'mon, let's polish the Polish furniture.
7. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
8. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
9. How can 'A Slim Chance' and 'A Fat Chance' be the same?
10. How can 'You're so cool' and 'You're not so hot' be different?
11. Why are 'A Wise man' and 'A Wise guy' opposites?
12. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
13. The bandage was wound around the wound.
14. I did not object to the object.
15. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
16. Boxing rings are square.
17. A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
18. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
19. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
20. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
21. The farm was used to produce produce.
22. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
23. If brother becomes Brethren, why doesn't mother become Methren?
24. If tooth becomes teeth, why doesn't booth become beeth?
25. If one goose becomes two geese, why doesn't one moose becomae two meese?
26. If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
27. How come Writers write but Fingers don't fing? And Grocers don't groce and Hammers don't ham?
28. A hat in the plural doesn't become hose. And a cat in the plural doesn't become cose.
29. A box in the plural becomes is boxes. But an Ox in the plural never becomes oxes. (It becomes Oxen).
30. A lone mouse can transform into a whole set of mice, But it's impossible for a single house to become a whole block of hice. (It becomes houses).
31. Although the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, we must be grateful for small mercies of the language that the feminine pronouns after 'She' don't become 'Shis' and 'Shim'.
32. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
33. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
34. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
35. He could lead if he could only get the lead out.
36. They were too close to the door to close it.
37. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
38. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
39. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
40. It is only in the English language that people recite at a play and play at a recital.
41. No sooner had my eye fallen upon the tear in the painting, then this eye of mine began to shed many a tear.
42. I was given a number of injections to make the pain number.
43. It's not ridiculous, but entirely sensible to ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
44. We are a strange lot to have noses that run and feet that smell.
45. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
46. I was proven right that I had the right of way.
47. How come you never hear of a combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable person?
48. Why is it that whether you sit down or sit up, the results are the same?
49. Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllable"?
50. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
51. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?
52. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
53. The human race has been running for a great many centuries now - but we're not tired yet.
54. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
55. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
I am particularly tickled by numbers 3, 4, 9, 17, 19, 25, 39, 44 and 49. Tell me which ones you fancy! :)
Comment away.............
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Had a pleasant surprise early this morning. I immediately thought of sharing the pics with you guys...
Cute? Those who've been to my table in the staffroom would remember seeing this Pooh plush cushion I use to hug whenever I'm doing work at my table. Yup, I love Pooh... I have soooo many of them at home!
And in case you're wondering, nope it's not my birthday today haha! *wink* Will let you know when it's over!
Comment away.................
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Feedback for feedback
Heya!
Long time no write, STC girls, how are you? :)
Ok before I start to post any El or SS stuff, let me start by responding to some feedback I've gotten from 2/2 and 2/5 yeah? Hence, feedback for feedback. Heh. Ok. Never mind.
"Ms Teo has a good sense of humour."
Yes, well, I actually see that as my weakness. I tend to speak without thinking, so I offend people often without knowing. But then, if you like it, I guess it's something to be proud of. :)
"I love her creative lessons!"
I've been through secondary school life before, and we all know how boring lessons can be, especially for a subject like English, where it is not content-based. I try to make it interesting so that you will listen and hopefully learn something at the same time. I do also get comments that lessons are not serious enough, too much play is involved. I'm still trying to find that balance as I'm still inexperienced, so do give me some time ok? I'll try my best! :)
"I don't like writing essays during lesson time."
Yes, ok. Got it. Which means essays will be left for homework then. Which also means I would require the WHOLE class to hand in. Which also means my homework submission rules would be stricter, and might possibly include parents' involvement.
"Can I still continue to consult you/write journals next year etc?"
Yup of course! :) If it helps you in any way at all, please continue to do so. I love reading your journals and awaiting your consultation times.. Just make sure that if next year your English teacher also requires you to write journals, then it's to him/her already ok? :)
"I don't like how Ms Teo walks in to class with a black face everytime."
Ok! Noted. :) Will try to smile more often!
"I learnt more about sentence fragments among other things."
YES YES YES!
"I hope we can watch more movies!"
Sure no problem. :) The only thing restricting me is the rushed syllabus that I have to complete, but still, I will now definitely try to insert in more movies and videos for your enjoyment!
There, these are some of the common feedback answers I received from your feedback forms. Thank you very very much for all the responses! Really, I appreciate every single one of them. The compliments, I accept graciously and hope I can live up to them. The complaints, I take every single one of them seriously and have since drawn up a list of changes I can make in the coming year.
So, in short, THANK YOU! :)
Comment away...............
Long time no write, STC girls, how are you? :)
Ok before I start to post any El or SS stuff, let me start by responding to some feedback I've gotten from 2/2 and 2/5 yeah? Hence, feedback for feedback. Heh. Ok. Never mind.
"Ms Teo has a good sense of humour."
Yes, well, I actually see that as my weakness. I tend to speak without thinking, so I offend people often without knowing. But then, if you like it, I guess it's something to be proud of. :)
"I love her creative lessons!"
I've been through secondary school life before, and we all know how boring lessons can be, especially for a subject like English, where it is not content-based. I try to make it interesting so that you will listen and hopefully learn something at the same time. I do also get comments that lessons are not serious enough, too much play is involved. I'm still trying to find that balance as I'm still inexperienced, so do give me some time ok? I'll try my best! :)
"I don't like writing essays during lesson time."
Yes, ok. Got it. Which means essays will be left for homework then. Which also means I would require the WHOLE class to hand in. Which also means my homework submission rules would be stricter, and might possibly include parents' involvement.
"Can I still continue to consult you/write journals next year etc?"
Yup of course! :) If it helps you in any way at all, please continue to do so. I love reading your journals and awaiting your consultation times.. Just make sure that if next year your English teacher also requires you to write journals, then it's to him/her already ok? :)
"I don't like how Ms Teo walks in to class with a black face everytime."
Ok! Noted. :) Will try to smile more often!
"I learnt more about sentence fragments among other things."
YES YES YES!
"I hope we can watch more movies!"
Sure no problem. :) The only thing restricting me is the rushed syllabus that I have to complete, but still, I will now definitely try to insert in more movies and videos for your enjoyment!
There, these are some of the common feedback answers I received from your feedback forms. Thank you very very much for all the responses! Really, I appreciate every single one of them. The compliments, I accept graciously and hope I can live up to them. The complaints, I take every single one of them seriously and have since drawn up a list of changes I can make in the coming year.
So, in short, THANK YOU! :)
Comment away...............
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